Goose And Soda

I recognize that being a heterosexual female is generally a bad life decision.

Every Day I’m Hustlin’

We can’t all be good at everything.  It takes lots of time, energy and practice to really be good at some things.  I accept this as a universal truth, and it doesn’t stress me out when I’m bad at something that other people are good at.  With one exception:  Pool.

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BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

This girl, amirite?

Late Bloomer

I know this may come as a surprise, but I was a bit of a late bloomer.

The year was 1997.  I was 12 or maybe 13, in 7th grade.  My class was doing some quiet study time in the library, which was just a big open area in the center of the school.  So, anything you said in the library could be heard in most all of the school’s hallways and certainly if you yelled something, maybe something like, “HEY RYAN WHAT’S A BONER?!?” across the library, pretty much the entire school could hear that.

I know, Baby Goose, I know.

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Are You Basic or Boss?

BP1 BP2

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Internet Dating: Part 1

So one time when I lived in a foreign city known as “New York,” I decided to try internet dating.  I recently stumbled across this gem of an email to my girlfriends, which sums up a lot of my thoughts about internet dating and how well that worked out for me (names changed to protect the “innocent”).

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IRL

An actual text I once sent during a group chat:

“You guys I cannot even.  It’s Tuesday at 7A and I’m having a conversation with my best friends about how a 25-year old side piece may have stolen a pack of birth control pills from my house.  This is real life.”

 

 

Dipping The Pen In The Company Ink

Don’t deny it.  Everyone has at least thought about it at some point.  Everyone has work crushes.  One of my exes actually left me for a work crush-turned-real-deal.  They’re married now.

When you’re a female who works in finance, you’re a rare commodity.  Occasionally, one or two of your 99% male colleagues are also physically attractive.  Naturally, you get tempted.  And then you remember a million reasons that would be a really REALLY terrible idea and you let it go.

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Well Played, Mother. Well Played

One fine day I was having separate text conversations with both my best friend, and my mother, at the same time.  I will never, ever do this again, and here’s why: Read the rest of this entry »

I Am A Quitter.

The older I get, the more I realize that being a quitter is actually good for the soul.

I quit:

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Coprophagia

Why is it that everyone knows that it is a terrible idea to try and date someone you have already broken up with, and yet everyone gets selective amnesia with that ex who just won’t go away?

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