Listen, I have a lot to say about these fucking gaywad hashtags that Basic bitches like to use on Instagram.
I once hashtagged a photo of myself with a guy #blessed #lucky just to be a troll, and a bunnnnnnch of Basics liked it (side note – what do we call a bunch of Basics? A gaggle? A flock? A plague? I like plague). Girls that I hadn’t talked to in 10+ years and never liked any of my photos before came out of the woodwork to like this photo. The very same girls whose social media profiles I stalk, so that I can make fun of them and their small little lives because I am a bitter and spiteful soul who will die alone and also INSANELY RICH AND HAPPY. Fuck you Becky, pretending like your happiest moment in life is making floral wreaths you found on Pinterest with your two unattractive hyperactive children that you have to literally spend at least 20 hours a day for the next 18-20 years protecting from myriad forms of certain death, or (when they’re teenagers) trying not to murder with your own bare hands.
Anyway, there are a lot of hashtags I think are supremely retarded, but perhaps none as much as the #MCM. #MCM for those who are not aware, stands for “Man Crush Monday.” It is used to post a photo of a human (or humans) with penises, on social media, on Mondays, and label those penis-having humans as one’s”Man Crush.”
And do you know why I particularly dislike #MCM?
Because women who have shat humans out of their vaginas use it on photos of their sons.
What the fuck kind of fucked up nonsense is that?!?!? First of all, it’s a fucking child, and no one ever uses #BCM – although, now that I think about it, I might have to start doing that just to be an asshole – except then a bunch of real true pedophiles might start following suit and I might have just created the new viral pedo hashtag and I can’t really forgive myself for that, although it would be totally hilarious.
Anyway, these idiots have taken a hashtag meant to convey sexual and romantic feelings about grown men (and, in some cases, Justin Bieber – I DON’T AGREE, I’m just saying, in general, that he is regarded as an acceptable #MCM for 30% of the world’s population, male and female), and applied it to AN UNDERAGE CHILD. Theyshould be IN JAIL. They should be on a Chris Hanson watch list. They should have DCFS ready to kick the front door down and ask the kid where the bad mommy touched him.
Assuming your stupid ass has managed to not let your son die on your watch, he’s going to become a teenager. And when he does, if we still have Instagram and/or a way to preserve electronic records for now-obsolete technology, his friends or his enemies, or that shithead Spencer in his Spaceshop (it’s the future equivalent of “Woodshop” okay? Stay with me) class is going to find that photo that your Basic self hashtagged #MCM about him, probably with his shirt off and his widdle boy tumtum sticking out, and your son is then going to get KILLED and hate you FOREVER. So you best cut that shit out right now, unless you need yet another reason for your teenage son to want you to die.