Goose And Soda

I recognize that being a heterosexual female is generally a bad life decision.

Month: October, 2016


Listen, I have a lot to say about these fucking gaywad hashtags that Basic bitches like to use on Instagram.


Oh Jesus Christ – I don’t know Susan, but the suspense is *killing* me

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Transcription of a voicemail I have saved on my phone, from my best friend

Thursday, August 29, 2013 at 5:30 PM:

“Hey girl, it’s boo. I just have a quick question for you about…well it’s about your G-spot. Just real quick question. Gimme a call back, bye.” 


At Last.

The best thing ever has finally happened to me, and I can now die as a complete person.

I received my first dick pic.

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This city is officially too small for me.  You know how I know this?  I’ve begun turning guys who are each other’s bros into actual brothers…. of the Eskimo variety.


“Tell us, how big of a whore was she, Brother?”

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This is such a great story, and it sounds exactly like something that would happen to me.


Must Love Dogs

Men are dogs.  You want to be in a relationship with a man?  You better fucking love dogs.

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