Coprophagia

by gooseandsoda

Why is it that everyone knows that it is a terrible idea to try and date someone you have already broken up with, and yet everyone gets selective amnesia with that ex who just won’t go away?

I have known far too many people who broke up, and then at some point in the future, tried to make another go of it (or several more goes of it).  It’s disastrous.  We all know, instinctively, that it is disastrous, and yet many of us have ignored the 100% fail rate (“It’s different with us, we’ve both changed and we learned from the last time….you’ll see!” you say determinedly to your best friends who just roll their eyes at you and sigh, the same as you would do to them if the situation were reversed).  We have all watched rich and famous people do it in the public eye, and it ends up disastrous*.  And even if we were in a terrible car accident and woke up with no memory of having dated that person once before and tried to do it again, hopefully our family and friends would remind us that it is still disastrous.

Recently, a friend and I were discussing the idiocy/lunacy of this, which she aptly compared to “trying to put poop back in your butt.”  It was such a fitting and smart analogy, which I took a step further (because I’m gross) and said it is like trying to re-eat the shit that has come out of your butt.  And she responded, without missing a beat, that coprophagia is a condition wherein dogs will eat their own turds. She is not a veterinarian, nor has she ever owned a dog, so I don’t know how or why she knew that (nor do I ever want to know), but there you have it – the human equivalent of coprophagia is getting back with your ex.

*See: Nick/Jessica, Richard/Liz, Kourtney/Scott,  Jude/Sienna, Shanna/Travis (my personal favorites – bish threw herself a “divorce party” and they still got back together) – and too many others to name here.

PS. I am sorry for you if you googled “coprophagia” before you read this post.  If you googled it after, then you are a sick fuck.

 

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