Let’s (Not) Get Physical

by gooseandsoda

“Hey there.”

“Hi – how are you?”


“Oh? What’s up?”

“Well I haven’t been feeling well…”

“Oh sorry to hear that – I’ve got a little bit of a cold myself”

“I haven’t been feeling well…down there.”

“Um. Exsqueeze me?”

“Well I went to the doctor and he said it could be either a UTI….orpossiblychlamydiaorgonorrhea”

“Oh. Uhhhh…okay, well I haven’t noticed anything weird going on below on my end…”

“Yeah I just wanted to let you know you should probably get checked out. I mean, there was one other girl, so maybe…”

“Yeah, well thanks for the heads up, that is real decent of you.”

“Of course. So um, what are you up to this weekend?”

(ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW) “Um, no plans yet.”

“Yeah well be in touch, maybe we can meet up.” 

(OH MY GOD YOU ARE FOR SERIOUS)  “Haha – uh huh okay…”

“Well talk to you later then.”

“Yeah, thanks again. Bye.”

Did you know your ob-gyn can prescribe you a round of antibiotics for chlamydia without having to see you first? Because he/she can.

And then did you ALSO know that when you get drunk 4 days after taking the antibiotics, and run into the same asshole who may or may not have given you an STD and he has the gall to try and get you to go home with him to play with his diseased junk, you are fully allowed to yell over the loud music in a crowded club, “YEAH NO I CAN’T HAVE SEX WITH YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE REMEMBER YOU PROBABLY GAVE ME CHLAMYDIA? LIKE A WEEK AGO?” Because you are. You are allowed to do that.