Goose And Soda

I recognize that being a heterosexual female is generally a bad life decision.

Month: August, 2013

Things Left Behind: Part Deuce

It is extremely mortifying when a hot guy you’ve been seeing for a little while walks out of your guest bathroom and says, “I don’t want to alarm you, but it seems someone took a massive dump in there and didn’t flush it, and it was sitting there for God knows how long.”

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Let’s (Not) Get Physical

“Hey there.”

“Hi – how are you?”

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Spite F***

I believe that as humans, we like to feel a sense of balance in our relationships with other humans. You have power; I have power; we have equal power (but really I have a little more power). ¬†Perhaps it’s a little New Age-ish or “liberal” of me, but I don’t think anyone can deny that when we find an imbalance, we want to restore equality in some way, shape or form.

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Thanks For Playing

Reasons last night’s poor sucker won’t get a second date:

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A best friend turned thirty recently and we had an epic night raging our faces off in her honor. After drinking for a solid 6 hours and closing down not one, but two establishments, the single ladies and I decided there was really no better way to continue the evening than to hit up my favorite late-night douchestablishment. I know they must have been beyond drunk to even agree to this. Normally the response I would get upon suggesting this place would be a significant eyeroll, giant sigh and a very pronounced shake of the head “NO.”

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