Come Here.

by gooseandsoda

I will start this story off by saying I was not there to witness it in the flesh, but by all accounts it was truly glorious, and I really get a kick out of it, so I want to recount it for the interwebs.

One of my very best girlfriends is possibly the only remaining “good girl” on the planet. She is a total sweetheart, a true romantic, and she will be forever polite and patient with an overly drunk guy who tries to hit on her in a bar.

One night she’s out with some co-workers after a Cubs game, when a truly awful dude starts trying to spit game at her. She lets him ramble on for awhile, just digging himself into a deeper and deeper pit he will never be able to climb out of, and then she looks him in the eye, and sweetly beckons him with her finger while telling him in a soft voice, “Hey, come here.”

He steps towards her, she says, “Closer.”

He is getting pretty excited now, thinking all of his hard work is going to pay off and she’s going to give him her number or kiss him or something equally awesome.

She smiles at him, leans in to his face slowly, and says, “I hate you.”