The Unsexy Kind

by gooseandsoda

I was messing around with this Brit “footie” player this one summer, totally enamored of the accent, the body and the job. Plus he had these (likely photoshopped) photos of himself training with David Beckham, and I love to think I have banged someone who has been in close proximity to David Beckham and probably seen him naked.

One night I went to meet him at a bar, and he was with a bunch of his  equally young and retarded (but hot) soccer playing friends. I got waaasssssted and took him home, as was our custom. Then I blacked out, and some hours later, woke up next to him and drove him back to his place.

The next evening, as I’m coming halfway back to life and heading out to meet my girlfriends for dinner, a very brief scene flashes through my mind’s eye. It is of my hookup and I doing the dirty, but I look to my left and there is another guy standing there, naked.

“What the FUCK was THAT?!?!?” I think to myself. “Was that a FUCKING FLASHBACK???”

So I get to dinner and am regaling the girls with tales of last night and I have to tell them what has just occurred on the way over. So I put it out there as gently as possible, to you know, not offend or scare the shit out of them:

Me: Hey I think I may have had the unsexy kind of threesome last night.

Girlfriend A: What do you mean you “think”?

Girlfriend B: What is the “unsexy” kind?

Me: Well I totally blacked out, but I had this weird picture flash in my head, and there were two dudes there. So more like a gang bang, maybe?

Girlfriend A (horrified): Oh my GOD

Girlfriend B (intrigued): Tell us more

While I am in the middle of explaining to Girlfriend A how it is possible that I could have had sex and not remembered it at all, let alone that there were maybe possibly two guys there instead of one, I get a text message from the Brit asking to meet up that evening.

Brit (via text): And maybe I’ll invite a mate again too lol

Me (to girlfriends): Well, looks like it’s confirmed.

Girlfriend A: Oh my GOD

Girlfriend B: HAHAHAHAHA