The Waiting Game
I met a guy who piqued my interest in a way that no one had done for a long time. He invited me to hang out with him and his friends one night, and I was having a great time with all of them. At one point in the evening, his friend pulled me aside and said, “Can I give you a piece of advice?” I said, “Sure.” He then goes, “Don’t sleep with him.” I was taken aback, and he went on to say, “You’re a keeper. Don’t sleep with him yet so he can’t lose respect for you. Seriously, don’t.” I laughed and told him I wasn’t planning to sleep with him yet because I really did like him. Then I got hammered with him the next night and I think everyone can guess what happened then. Slept with him. While mentally whipping myself the next day for ruining what could have actually been the start of something good, it dawned on me that this is the stupidest goddamned thing that single people do.
I would like to take a bit to meditate on this rule that we have developed which says that if you like someone and you think maybe you have a shot at a relationship with them, you shouldn’t have sex with them right away. I think this is a messed up rule.
This rule informs the grand mating dance that we call “dating,” but I don’t know why on earth we think this rule is doing us any favors. We are all wasting precious time and money adhering to it.
I waited, and I wound up with The Spitter. After I had already invested a month of time seeing the guy, I was emotionally tied up in it and made excuses for the terrible sex so I could continue to see him. Then when I have been the girl who didn’t wait (despite even getting warned by some dude’s friend), he instantly labeled me and pulled the plug on the possibility of moving things beyond casual hookups. That really cool guy I thought I had a chance with was now only ever going to call me to “meet out” so he could feed me a couple drinks and take me home to bang – he was never going to take me home to meet the parents. As one of my best friends, who happens to be a man, wisely pointed out, “It’s kinda like guys trick women into sex to find out if they are a classy bitch.”
Let’s be clear – men cannot tell me they would honestly rather lay out money over the course of 3 dates to bed a girl they are attracted to, instead of knowing whether she is worth it up front. So why the judgement if she wants to sleep with him right away? If both parties know it is going to end up there eventually – and that it has to click in the sack to even consider a relationship – why waste the time and money to dance around the issue?