Doctor, Lawyer, Apprentice, Spy.

by gooseandsoda

I hate to compare anything in my life to “Sex and the City” because they are a bunch of old-ass dried out vaginas. However, like the women in that show, I often bestow the various men in my life with a nickname. Typically this is simply based on the profession of the new fling.  It is all too often in conversation with girlfriends that I refer to a man by his actual name, and am met with blank stares. It isn’t until I say “You know, the Doctor/Lawyer/Bartender/Cop/Shoe Shiner” before the light goes on and recognition sets in.

There was a point in time where I thought I was really cool because I was juggling 3 men at once. I referred to them as The Doctor, The Lawyer and The Apprentice.  I met all of them at bars.

The Doctor exceeded my minimum height requirement (6’0″) by a few inches. He exceeded the length requirement by the same. I still do not understand how on earth the man could have sex 4 times in 3 hours and finish within 20 minutes every single time. I feel like this makes him a freak of nature, or I’ve just never met anyone else with that level of stamina.

The Lawyer I thought I was in love with. To this day everyone wants me to date The Lawyer, but there is something missing there for both of us and when I say that, I mean the sex is just not that great and ain’t nobody got time for that.

The Apprentice actually had several nicknames, the most notable of them being “The Spitter.” The Apprentice was thus called because once upon a time he was on the TV show of the same name. I was enamored with his charm, intelligence, wit and ridiculous good looks. I waited to have sex with him, which is unheard of for me.  On our 4th or 5th date, one magical night after we’d had a lovely dinner he took me home, lit some candles and put on some music….. and proceeded to grunt so hard/loud during sex that he was literally foaming at the mouth and he kept spitting on me. And the worst part of this is I kept him around for at least another month.