Goose And Soda

I recognize that being a heterosexual female is generally a bad life decision.

Month: January, 2013

Boys DO Cry

And I can recap a lifetime of specific incidents in which I have been the cause of this:

-Age 4. Caught 3 fish and a little boy caught none.  Cried to his mama about me catching all the fish in the pond.

-Age 8. Mercilessly teased Noel on the playground until he cried and told on me. Got sent to the principal’s office.

-Age 11. Didn’t know what a “boner” was, asked Ryan who laughed so hard I got embarrassed and punched him in the face and he started crying. Got sent to the principal’s office.  Again.

-Age 15. Turned down Nolan when he asked me out and he cried.

-Age 19. Broke up with Michael (I hadn’t yet learned the lesson on Michaels) and he cried.

-Age 19. Michael asked me to get back together and I laughed in his face because I thought he was joking and he cried. Again. Michael lesson learned.

-Ages 22-24. Lots of crying by the one who I can’t name here.

-Age 27. Broke up with Tom.  We both cried.

-Age 28. Woke up to Jason crying in my bedroom through no discernible fault of my own, but seeing as how he was staying in my apartment and had flown 900 miles just to see me, I have to assume it had something to do with me.



This one time, I was visiting my parents out of state and I got a text message from a boy who I hadn’t spoken to in months.  It was a haiku he had apparently written for me.

Hard body soft lips

She is a thing of beauty

Not to be wasted

It was hilarious, and so random, but what do you expect from the same dumb asshole who also shows up at your house with a mixtape and a bottle of wine an hour before you’re supposed to go to dinner together?

Poor Unfortunate Souls

Don’t send me this kind of nonsense and think it’s not going to wind up on the internet.  Loosely edited to protect identities of various dbags.

Seven Shades 7-2.009



Just Another Tuesday Night…

I went to grab drinks at a nearby bar after work one night with a colleague.  I ordered the blog namesake and proceeded to get drunk and pour my heart out to my sweet colleague who, bless her little heart, was clearly terrified at the thought of living life the way I do. At some point she made an excuse about needing to leave, but I had only just started my umpteenth drink, and a lady never wastes a perfectly good Goose and Soda.  I told her I’d stay and finish it, and assured her I would be fine.  She left, and that was the first time I took the time to survey my surroundings in the extremely crowded bar.

My fellow patrons were all male.

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