And I can recap a lifetime of specific incidents in which I have been the cause of this:
-Age 4. Caught 3 fish and a little boy caught none. Cried to his mama about me catching all the fish in the pond.
-Age 8. Mercilessly teased Noel on the playground until he cried and told on me. Got sent to the principal’s office.
-Age 11. Didn’t know what a “boner” was, asked Ryan who laughed so hard I got embarrassed and punched him in the face and he started crying. Got sent to the principal’s office. Again.
-Age 15. Turned down Nolan when he asked me out and he cried.
-Age 19. Broke up with Michael (I hadn’t yet learned the lesson on Michaels) and he cried.
-Age 19. Michael asked me to get back together and I laughed in his face because I thought he was joking and he cried. Again. Michael lesson learned.
-Ages 22-24. Lots of crying by the one who I can’t name here.
-Age 27. Broke up with Tom. We both cried.
-Age 28. Woke up to Jason crying in my bedroom through no discernible fault of my own, but seeing as how he was staying in my apartment and had flown 900 miles just to see me, I have to assume it had something to do with me.